You've been a flight attendant too long if....
1. You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter.
2. You search for a button to flush the toilet .
3. You look for the "crew line" at the grocery store.
4. You can pack for a 2 week trip to Europe in 1 roll-aboard.
5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them
6. You NEVER unpack
7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by their faces
8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit in the overhead bin
9. You care about the local news in a city three states away
10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways
11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness bags-none of which pertain to vomit
12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock
13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin
14. You don't think in "months"-you think in "bid sheets"
15. You always point with two fingers
16. You get a little too excited by certain types of ice
17. You stand at the front door and politely say "Buh-bye, thanks, have a nice day" when someone leaves your home
18. You can make a sentence using all of the following phrases: "At this time, " "For your safety, " "Feel free, " and "As a reminder"
19. You know what's on the cover of the current issues of In Touch, Star, and People magazines
20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you pass, just to make sure the "gauge is in the green"
21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows
22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel stationery to figure out where you are
23. You refer to cities by their airport codes
24. Every time the doorbell rings you look at the ceiling.
25. You actually understand every item on this list
WANT TO BE A FLIGHT ATTENDANT
1. Go to a resale store and find an old, navy blue suit that an army sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear the same outfit for four consecutive days, every week, all year long.
2. Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours. Pretend you are standing by for them and they are all full. Go home. Return to the airport the next day and do the same thing again.
3. Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and place them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until the boxes fit. Do this until you feel a disk slip in your back. Smile.
4. Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal. Run them all night. Smile.
5. Remove the covers from several TV entrees. Place them in a hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until it's completely dried out. Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family. Don't include anything for yourself. Eat peanuts. Smile.
6. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they've received their meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. Ask them to scream at you and complain about the service. Eat peanuts. Smile.
7. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat two hours later when you're really hungry Eat peanuts. Smile.
8. Place a straight-backed chair in a closet next to a bathroom, facing a blank wall. Use a belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the stale rolls you saved from your family's meal, preferably while Someone's USING the bathroom. Smile.
9. Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible. Tell them to make splashing water a game and see who can leave the most disgusting mess. Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the night. Drink stale coffee in the closet next to the bathroom. Eat peanuts. Smile.
10. Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly scatter your husband's wing-tips and loafers along the way. Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes. Drink several cups of cold, stale coffee to keep yourself awake. Smile.
11. Stay up all night, then wake your family in the morning and serve them a cold, hard sweet roll. Don't forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school. Ask them to berate you. Eat peanuts. (Smile.)
12. After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out (preferably in winter) in the yard. If it's not raining, turn on the sprinkling system and stand in the cold and the wet for 30 minutes, pretending like you're waiting for the crew bus to pick you up. Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for ANOTHER 30 minutes while an imaginary maid cleans and makes up your room. Smile.
13. Change into street clothes and shop for five hours. Pick up carry-out food from a local deli. Go back home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal. Set your alarm for 3 a.m. so you'll be ready for your wake-up call. (It's now 12:30 a.m.) Eat peanuts. Smile.
14. Repeat the above schedule for four days in a row and you'll be ready to work your first trip as a Flight Attendant!
15. Repeat the above schedule after just three days off, every week for twelve month's straight. NOW you're ready to BE a Flight Attendant!!
16. Lose your pension AND take a 25 per-cent pay-cut.
NOW YOU'VE HAD A CAREER AS A FLIGHT ATTENDANT!!!
Author Unknown
